A Leap Of Faith ?

It starts, a sheep grazing by a ledge, slips, falls in to the void, and is gone.
Another turns to bolt there after, not wishing to miss out on greener fields.
Another jumps as two have gone and cant be wrong.
Next some jump through an involuntary reflex
Others follow out of pure fear.
The penultimate jumpers demand to confirm the apparent gain.
The final sheep leap for fear of being left alone, not knowing that the first have perished.






An adaptation of  " The Onion Rings "    No.14     The Book of Lies

Sheep have been known to follow one another over a cliff or precipice. This idea is used here to demonstrate how confusion can arise once any idea or perception of importance arises, also examined is the chain reaction of meandering thoughts that arise in those in close proximity  to such a happening. Of course the original happening that starts this chain reaction is often a mistake or mis-understanding, hence I mention No.14  Well that was fun, Ive really  enjoyed writing this...

D-I-S-O-R-D-E-R

Wuthering Heights

Catherine Cornelious was annihilated, but still carried herself with composure. Her gentle comments were betrayed by the dark sorrow in her eyes. Spirit broken. Emotions buried. Jerry left before he cried.

Home

Hard bed springs dug into his tender body. Dry rough air stung his face. Heavy dull limbs felt hot. A greasy groin and a thick head. On a candle lit table the random letters of a word game spelt TINTAGEL.

Panorama

On a wall an impossibly large plasma screen projected impossibly obvious images to the oblivious occupants. Just how had it come to this ?

Fishing Trip

" You'll catch something "
" Already have. " The Man replied
" Told you so ! "
She cycled away.






I don't really understand why I love this collection of real life moments. Yes each one has an acute emotion and memory, some too much so. They are all part of something abstract. I consider this odd little piece one of my finest creations from that period. Maybe its just my memories ?    2012

Comic Return

Today a ghost caught me unawares
A sudden swirl at a Winters fayre
A twist of fate for long ive felt
Is finally printed plain in site
A trivial festive jibe
Of on street promotions and festive vibes
But to me, all I see is a view of woe
And the place I can no longer go




Its ridiculous to what lengths we go to avoid something only to have it find its way into our sphere by ridiculous means. As someone once said " You can run but you cant hide ".

Are You Alone ?

Are you alone ?
To answer the question requires a mirror
To answer the question requires another
Another, another to bounce the sound off
To listen for echoes
Of mimicked returns

A radios power diode glows red
No sound
White light blinds from my laptop screen
Black Tar McAdam outside
And wet winters sheen                                                                                                                         
Memories now
Of days ago
All feel as distant as hills in the snow
General out lines however do fade
The details eroded
Corrosive melee.


2014    

Cold Wide World

Ice
White
Knight
Fights
On U.K shores                                                                                                
In bright moonlight

Meanwhile
Under some far flung Maple tree
There sits a woman
23

Women As Dragons

A swing, a click, a nick
Beheaded
De-friended
A dragon surely must be for the slaying ?
It wasn't your fault ;the course I'm taking
Ahead of your time
With that subdued smile
Subdued eyes
Your twisted stance
A pose of attack
Ahead of me by a country mile...

A softest smile of those dark eyes
Begins a dragons dance so wild
Mesmerised I stand, but I'm no fool
I belie my general air; The Fool
Battle scarred and weary am I
I safely stand behind the line
The line you know not that exists
The line I hold with iron fist


Our timeless battle erodes the seasons
Green spring
White winter
Warm autumns too.
My sword thats always hidden from you
Waiting for its final cue
Young dragons shimmer in Winters sun
Their beauty, many a mans undone

Inquisitively, finally you turn to face me
Natural attack mode comes in easy                                                                
Glittering coals of your dark eyed stare
New knowledge of all mans wants and cares                                                              
You've learnt the game
You learnt it early
Nothing more now can I do
But decide exactly why this battles due ?
This battle comes though much too late
It starts in jest
But ends in fate.



There comes a time in every womans life when she realises the power she has over all men /  2014

A New Front

Caught in the balance on misty heights
Unseen winds sway me slightly
Past views below terrify me
Once hidden by time
But now in sight
Laylah finds me unawares.

Stone cold denial
Just ignore me
A silent gaze
Obvious reeling
My pathetic aloofness
Sorry for my silence
But for a second time
And I will die !


Today something tried to return. Im not going back, though it is an eternal return... 2014

Penultimate

The waters of time came trickling by
A faded hue to the night Winter sky
Yellow stars, no white sparkle fly
Dark moonless night
The bedrocks now dry 
Crumbled dust
Blown away                                                                                                                         
False boredom demands
A new game to play.
                                                                                                                    
                                                                                                                           

What defines us changes constantly / 2014

The Beauty Circuit

Im tired of beauty
And after so long
The endless procession
The genes of the strong

Compulsory projections for all to enjoy
Pathetic distractions
An over used toy.
An ace in the pack ?
The ultimate ploy ?
More valued than wisdom
It comes yet by default
 A Womans best weapon
Is she now worth her salt ?

A new generation still plays this game
The image of beauty
A new on line game.
Truth be told this game is unfair
A road to misery
A grim road to " who dares "

This game never ends
Those pouts
Those poses
That must have shining hair...




A poem about the way lifes become / 2014

Im not happy with this ending however much I mess around with it. I shall sleep on it..

10 years later and its 2024 and im coming back to this forgotten poem and that final elusive line !!!

Moon Magic

Midday Summer sun
In midnight Winter sky
Moonlight hangs heavy over these hills tonight
Ethereal silver mist dissolving all that's mundane
A fairy tale landscapes defining this dale
Unseen things flitter seen barely from eye
Their unknown trajectory
From some other side

Rich velvet shadows float darkly, no sound
Childhood exuberance echoes around
An ordinary room conducts taps and those cracks
Sparkling with something that's trying to get back
To what and to where ?
Its deviations abound
Like rain on my window
A familiar sound.



 2014

Halloween

Bishop Beesley was carpet bombing a field of pumpkins. Jerry Cornelius could just make out his bulbous silhouette in the Lancaster Bombers cockpit. He watched from a rocky hillside bent double with laughter. The Bishop was over excited and over reacting again. As he regained his composure Jerry had to admire the Bishops style in combining a classic piece of war machinery with state of the art cluster bombs. Of course Beesley had no real ethical problems with All Hallows Eve, it had been the Popes recent visit that had triggered this display of dogma. An act based purely on instinct.
" God be praised " muttered the Bishop as his over weight mass attempted to exit the cockpit. Jerry offered him a hand. Tomorrow the bomber had to be returned to the Imperial War Museum. Pumpkins plastered the under carriage. This would be hard to explain. Beesley had hired the aircraft for less trivial missions in the past. Occasionally they had even strayed into Europe, or the remains of it at least. Working with the Church of Rome was often a surreal experience, " Bishop Cornelius " was a very real possibility mused Jerry...


I must have been in an exuberant mood that day... lol

A Shot In The Dark

"  So why have you suddenly started writing ?" sneered the Fat Buffoon. The Fat Buffoon could smell blood and Jerry knew it. He sensed his own soft underbelly exposed, and there was a lot more of it nowadays. Swiftly he reached for the bluntest tool in his box.
" For fame and fortune " he replied, with a weak smile.
The Fat Buffoon didn't do sarcasm. He probably didn't do irony or clichés either, so why use a sledgehammer to crack a nut ? thought Mr Cornelius ? Silence confirmed a dead hit. Writing was a lot less complicated than the assassination business for sure. Had he really being trying too hard to impress ? Normally he was a good judge given enough time, but a year had passed and he still couldn't decide. As Jerry walked away he caught a sneered comment about " butterflies floating down a garden path.." A pot shot at his poetry was all he needed justify the death blow...



Yes, I still remember who the " fat buffoon " was in real life  !  Ahem....

Will I write Again ?

So will I write again today ? All my writing I shall be posting on this blog was written about 3 years ago. Can I still write like that today ? Well, ive only posted my efforts after seeing another blogger doing the same and I guess it made me sit up and finally take action...
   Those were heady days back then, and the sudden bursts of inspiration often came in Autumn and often when the moon was showing, sometimes I even jumped out of bed in the early hours to capture an idea i'd had and get it down on paper. There is no doubting looking back I was in a Peak Experience state of mind and no mistake. In fact I was in that heightened state for several years and this fed my creative side. Of course this state couldn't last forever, thank goodness, in the end it would have ruined me. I shall never be in that state ever again as it was a right of passage to the esoteric path no less. I still bare the scars today and am having to learn how to live an everyday life whilst giving it the attention it now deserves.
    In many ways this blog is a better recording of a Peak Experience than my Golden Blog. This blog captures my mental change and the dizzy level of ideas I found popping into my head from where exactly I don't know. Some of then felt pre-written or as if I was re-writing them. Creativity is a funny thing. Ive no idea whether if it can be all re-booted again today ?

THE SUM OF ALL PATHS - PART 4 - A Natural Conclusion

Not knowing whether to consider himself a coward or a nihilist  Jerry surely returned a day later for an informal market place type community visit at the hospitality of the " victors ". He studied the anxious, weary, arrogant faces of the new Libyan transitional government while considering how much blood could be on so few hands, and the hands of democracy at that ! Rebels with a passion found it hard to stop once momentum had been attained. An alley way nearby concealed the evidence . Did they know he had unofficially rode with the old regime ? He guessed his Western appearance was once more an asset. And they really were easily distracted...
   Mitzi's inability to dress appropriately was causing a stir. Fish nets and a tight Khaki vest top, two sizes too small did it every time. Things were starting.... Jerry mentally sort his pistols position preparing himself for action if self regulating democracy got a little too frisky.
   Mitzi's blond curls bounced as she struck a soldiers bemused face. Jerry smiled as he cared not, or more accurately must be seen to appear to care not of the out come. To side with a female in this country against the latest hero's of the hour would probably see him in several pieces in several minutes. He joined the chorus of laughter, an unexpected sound, maybe the sound of gun fire had lost its novelty for these democratic militia ? Jerry grabbed Mitzi's arm and slung her over his shoulder further diffusing the confrontation, and despite his misgivings about the new rebels, it turned out they really were cast in the mould of the everyday man. Sexism really was the opium of the masses.
   As he strode across the open market place he tried desperately hard to maintain a steady composure despite a protesting Mitzi swaying his balance. As if sensing a fall would totally change the now buoyant mood she conveniently ceased to struggle. She was now thoroughly enjoying the situation none the less, as being the centre of attention brought out the Venus in her. Jerry deposited her with a thud into the Phantom passenger seat. Mitzi was his idea of heaven, but boy could she be hard work !
   Angry shouts. A dust cloud. Jerry was gone, his super car suddenly an advantage. Mitzi was in a sulk. Mitzi was also in her element. How could two conflicting statements obviously true both be simultaneously correct ? He was wondering how he had survived meeting her, he was wondering how he would have survived had he not met her. Time was accelerating. A corny pun came and went. No don't say it out loud. There again there was much he wanted to say out aloud, but couldn't or shouldn't. A mental quagmire was approaching...
  "  So Jerry... " Mitzi began to whine.
  " Yes, " Jerry snapped.
  " Im flattered " she hissed
  " If it had come to it, yes " he blurted out loud.
A sinking feeling. Compromise. He would have blown his cover to save her. Eventually this weakness would be his undoing and he was unlikely to receive any advance warning of when this fatal moment would manifest. An animal reflex. An illogical reflex and it would all be over. Despite Mitzi's hidden intellect Jerry was sure she had no idea of the bigger picture or the peril he knew one day would be his. If she guessed his true condition then he may well be doomed sooner rather than later. With his secret currently intact he allowed himself the luxury of the realisation that for today at least, he had it all. 
  
   

THE SUM OF ALL PATHS 1 - The Libyan Dilemma

Spring was in the air as Jerry rolled along a safe two miles behind the Libyan Government tank convoy. Despite the seasonal rains bringing the desert to life, he felt particularly flat as his black 1970's Phantom super car hardly fitted the occasion. His arms ached as his early edition model had not been fitted with power assisted steering as it

was believed to detract from the driver experience during finding the outer limits of it handling. Tailing tank convoys had not been taken into its design remit.
   Surveying the destruction of a recent air strike, its twisted metal and charred bodies, Jerry felt no emotion at all. He turned to smile at the young blonde known only as " Mitzi ". Mitzi wore a black combat out fit with matching matt black grenades, a matt black Uzi machine pistol and a colorful T-Shirt Jerry couldn't understand.
  Propaganda leaflets littered the kill zone. Guilty confessions thought Jerry to himself. A strong or moral mind set was never an advantage or an asset in a war like this one. Policy was best made on the hoof, and this was his particular idiom. Mitzi however was impulsive, but impulsive to what ever Jerry thought. At least that made her a predictable asset, but he would never let her know that ! In her mind she was wild and free as Jerry, and Jerry loved her for that.
   Turning off his 10 miles to the gallon V12 engine he grabbed his Kaki army edition binoculars from her. In the distance a hoard of Toyota's were advancing baring their home mounted anti-aircraft guns. Amongst the throng  the various democracy flags billowed in the fresh Spring wind seeming to offer a moral high ground, or the colors of hope for a new future. Would Mitzi understand if he called in an air strike now ? Love and war, no room for logic today. Mitzi fiddled with her modified fire arm seemingly sensing Jerry's Dilemma. She decided to keep her innocence intact and played dumb. A lair of dust now covered the wind shield further isolating her from the advancing rebels.
   The first artillery shells were being fired from the head of the Government convoy he was following. Jerry let the situation find its own out come, besides he wouldn't risk alienating Mitzi, even if a countries course was at risk. After so long he knew what kept him awake at night and it wasn't the rough and tumble of war.
  Mitzi eventually broke down as she grasped Jerry's hand. He held her tight. Dark tears stained her china white cheeks as the desert rain began its slow descent. The hard amour of her mercenary sheikh image suddenly disintegrated cruelly exposing a young girls naive out look. When she wasn't screaming in a hail of bullets Mitzi could be described as sensitive. Jerry tried to suppress the thought that " birds of a feather flock together ", but it was no use. Eventually the word seemed to say " Jerry and Mitzi whatever the weather ! " He blushed but Mitzi was miles away. Her tear filled eyes blurring the battle field view through a rain dappled wind screen.
   Crunching into a synchromesh less first gear he executed a violent U-turn. A large dust cloud drifted across the warring masses. Despite his inputs and strategic advice the Government troops seemed to be loosing their considerable advantage. They would have to do the donkey work themselves. How hard could it be ? Heavy armored machinery against ideal laden hearts ? Steel versus flesh. History versus expectation was a tough out come to call. Political view points bothered him little as time always found him on the " wrong " side. Time to head for the border...
   Mitzi slouched low in her seat, her head on Jerrys lap. She closed her doll like eyes. Jerry's body tensed. His arms locked on to the steering wheel. How long could this situation carry on ? Year on year this pseudo relationship that entailed life on the edge as a catalyst rather than  conventional lust was beginning to take its toll. His heart pounded and his body trembled. A hint of perspiration betrayed his true emotions. So it would be love to the end he thought as he mentally answered his own question.
  
 

THE SUM OF ALL PATHS - Whats Wrong With This Picture ?

Miss Brunner talked death on a cold dull December afternoon. As darkness descended outside of the café they were sat in her pebble like eyes seemed to sink within her pale protruding cheek bones. The moon Jerry surmised must be gradually approaching its Winter Solstice position. The failing evening light fell on her faded black retro clothes. She was presently laughing at his forced attempt at conversation ( so he thought ) Yet still he smiled ?
    He had once admired her occasional quite optimism, restrained passions, carefully considered comments, self awareness, mature attitude despite her years, her dry humour, elegant out look, lack of ego, detached beauty, musical prowess, varied image, social skills, loyal friendship, discretion, guarded emotions and honest opinions. Times had changed though , but Jerry was quite safe in his assumption that he was more than likely still in love with a " ghost "
    Back in the real world his tea was weak, and his scone dry, jam too sweet. He was cold and his mind  slid elsewhere as Miss Brunner tilted her head to one side as she delivered another long monologue of entropy. Her lips were full but dry. His hands were cold.
   Contemplating the past year he couldn't decide on a single mood to sum up his tumultuous year. Would It all be good in the end ? If only he'd known  from the start. Again Winter was early and vicious, galvanising his new found realities, but he also found he was surely waiting for something he didn't know how to deal with, despite having had plenty of time to prepare for it. Yet oddly at the same time he completely failed to realise what this situation was ! His stomach felt knotted, his legs felt weak as festive lights illuminated the cobbled streets. It was nearly dark as he felt slight relief on leaving.
   It was true, he was at a low ebb. Many weeks had passed since the " Future House " debacle. Healing at his age took an age... Would he be " retired " from the game by Christmas ? The shadowy young figure in the garden still haunted him. Every teenager took this form to him know. Youth had him surrounded it seemed. Whatever the outcome his shady superiors surely envisaged  his days as numbered. He knew he was swimming against the tide. Time to lie low. It wasn't in him to perform at the moment, even if the opportunity arose. Rock bottom. A time of danger.
  
January evergreens silhouetted against a white Winter sky. A weak damp wind. Nervous expectation. Lost faith ? Still waiting for a point blank shot that may never come. Only time could pull him through. As ever time would be the filter. Soon he would get the feeling for things again. Probably to rapidly. There would need to be counter weights...
   Suddenly ( and wasn't it always that way ? ) a golden nugget of information was casually dropped by an close friend. Motions were set in place. Apparently they had started without him in Libya. Time to side step the obvious dilemma and chase the aftermath for a guaranteed success ? He couldn't decide which excited him most; the prospect of foreign travel demanded by his next mercy mission, or the fact that the ever adorable Mitzi was to be his accomplice ( an ever formidable weapon he thought ) Maybe it was just the fact something new had arisen, however torrid. A distraction after all was a distraction!
  Somewhere a T.V was blaring out an awful cover version of a Boy George classic. Jerry expected it was the product of a Christmas talent show. He didn't even bother look up...
  

THE SUM OF ALL PATHS - The Changing Of The Guard ?

On a dark moonless night Jerry Cornelious hovered in the coffin shaped alley. Across the road stood the house of the future, he'd seen its narrow passages and steep stairs, its  stain glass windows screamed something he couldn't yet fathom... No need to be quiet. The Equinoctial gale screeched through the stiff Beech tree tops. As he closed his eyes it sounded like the sea. The tree trunks glistened with silver rain illuminated by the orange street lamps.
   Besides a rotting garden shed a bonfire of teen novels smouldered. Burnt pages of a Harry Potter novel assaulted him carried on a sudden blast of wind. He wiped the grime from his bewildered face. Rumours of a suicide room in the house did nothing for his nerves. He had no instincts on this job or hit. It was all too here and now for his liking. No romantic angle. No mystical signs. Dead pan. A face-off of every day syndromes...
    From behind the dry stone walls of the garden the chuckling was growing louder. Jerry clutched at his blades. Smiling a sharp toothed grin he threw several sonic grenades over the wall into the sodden garden. Silence. Leaping over the garden wall revealed nothing more sinister than garden gnomes and a water feature. His feet were now wet, and his back hurt.
     A carpet of used medical syringes and used drug paraphernalia began to splinter and crunch under foot as he nervously approached the front door. The slippery damp ground began to steam, and the door shimmered as he mentally prepared for the inevitable. Anything was possible, and nothing was likely was his mantra that could not fail. He howled as the door way disintegrated revealing five blind cherubs complete with fixed bayonets, charging at him down the shining white plastic hall way. Blind cherubs were notoriously random and could easily defeat a logical man thought Jerry. Think random Jerry, he thought to himself , think random !
   The five blind cherubs left Jerry with five new orifices ! He drew his heat gun, but it was too late. The white plastic corridor slowly began to turned red. As he staggered outside freezing fog had descended turning the garden into a traditional Christmas card scene. His snake skin boots struggled for grip as he performed a comical dance of the fatally wounded. Barely reaching his car he felt dizzy. His crimson foot prints betrayed a humiliating with drawl.
   A slender hooded figure watched the tragic events from the shadows of an overgrown privet hedge. A future assassin though Jerry ? My replacement he surmised. The young man wore a sleazy smile, a cocky demeanour and was armed to the teeth.
   " Old timer " laughed the boy.
   " Fuck off " shrieked Jerry....


I wrote this strange piece three years ago. Ive edited it a little, but really its just the way it was written back then. Is this house real ? Well, that would be telling.... Written in the minimalist style of  The Lives and Times of Jerry Cornelious by Micheal Moorcock. Its a popular mode of writing. Many others write " Jerry " stories. He is a cult figure ! An Assassin who is all too aware of the big picture. Ive heard it said that all the stories written about him somehow brings him into existence... Who am I to mock ?

Morgan

The North wind moans among chords of wire
Slicing the clear air of another dull Sunday afternoon
A reflection ? No, Im reflecting
On the fact that  ive once again been left without inspiration

She has heart, has fire, and fire abound,
Yet all that she treasures somehow burns to the ground  ?
Sometimes briefly  the wisdoms dispensed
All the more angry for that am I
Symphonies don't end in the blink of an eye
A thought, a symphony like hers, and she yet barely has to try
A master piece produced, dead pan, never an irony
No acknowledgement of achievement, no vanity or pride !

The world of the mundane eventually floods in
On line expectations never fulfil, and I can certainly vouch its so
Have I not spent seasons bound to an empty screen ?
I too have had my missions of attentions, in the past, time wasted, but at home
Two creatures are we, corrupted the same
And all those around us would see were the same, if...
Slash and burn of whats worthy was / never will be the answer !
To lie down at this stage ? Is there nothing more to gain ?
I know you know life never does change, eternally thwarted ?
Morgan, keep playing the game...


Not sure where this has come from this afternoon ! / 2014

Deep Winter

Crooked moon sat in the sky
Watches over silver ash
Water running sparkles by
Silent, fresh, crystal, wild
Pastels stones through clear water slide
Air is sharp with icy bite
Dull bells chime on muted night



Dents river Dee on a Winters afternoon... / 2012

New

Jade, green, gold
White blue horizons
Rising tide
Quickening pace
Shining brass
Moving waters
The time is near...

Pounding surge
Ebony shines
Moonlight reflections
Still night air
Silver flickering soul.                                                                    




Yes, several years ago it felt like this. My personal Peak Experience had started...I remember being intensely aware of how green the Spring fields were, and how heavy the thunder showers were; they were crystal clear, as was my view of the white Spring moon.

Destroyed

  

She tethered my heart to the edge of despair
A long grainy beach
The colour of her hair
Flattened and soiled
A dilated stare
Thighs crossed
Twisted hips
Her minds elsewhere...
Conversation jolts
As my mind tears
She sold her self before its fair
Her minds the commodity
Her body's the wares.
                                                                                                                            



I wrote this a few years ago after watching someone I cared about trying to self destruct...she pulled it all back together at the edge of disaster in a competent style that defied her years. The mark of excellence ?! 

2012

28

That which has no weight
28
Yellow moon hangs in the sky
She feels the pangs of love
She cries
For all of that which cannot die
And all that feeds the truthful lie


 A poem I wrote based on the number 28 from A. Crowleys  The Book of Lies / 2014